Here it is, October 19th, at 10:13 at night. I’m at my favorite lowkey bar doing one of my favorite problematic hobbies to partake in—writing and dranking. Before the bar, I facilitated my first workshop entitled “The Table” for Men of Color. The workshop provides a space for Men of Color to be present, heard, seen, and potentially fed— at least figuratively. We, as Men of Color, achieve this goal by collectively creating a communal space for genuine connections to develop through shared reflection and genuine expression. I spoke this opportunity out into the universe a couple times this past spring and summer. Finally, the universe responded and the opportunity actualized tonight. I’m thankful the workshop happened when it did and how it did because it was exactly what I needed.
As I reflect on my emotions leading up to the workshop, I recall anxiously sharing with family and friends about this familiar yet new endeavor. They expressed their support and well wishes which was affirming. Their responses reminded me that I’ve always been aligned with my purpose through my interactions with people. Although I’ve facilitated a couple workshops, this was my first workshop that I created with full autonomy as a personal project. The series of specific projects that I have created and will continue to create will serve as a testament to my purpose.
The night before my workshop, I picked up a few items from Staples for my workshop. One item felt like a good investment to enhance the experience—it was this Flip Chart Paper. I bought it to be mindful of the visual learners. For a slight second, I debated if those people really mattered when I looked at the cost. Seriously, purchasing that over-sized note pad signified faith in myself. It was an outward expression of my commitment to invest more of my funds and time without any guarantee that I’d achieve my desired outcome.
Baby steps, correct?
When I woke up this morning, I expressed gratitude for life and the opportunities surrounding me. Today was the day—and it held even more significance for another reason. Today, marked the sixth-year anniversary of my maternal grandmother’s death which made today feel even more special to me. I made a personal commitment to listen to all my needs and go at my own pace. I rode a Citi-bike to Staples to print out some copies and jogged back to my crib. It felt good to be active again. Once at my crib, I chef’d up some veggie pasta, showered slowly, and got ready while vibing to Sade. Her soothing voice kept my energy calm.
To maintain the good vibrations, I arrived thirty minutes early to ensure I felt settled. I was greeted warmly by the manager and given instructions about the space. I struggled with setting up for the workshop because I did not know how many men would attend—so I made room for five. Fifteen minutes went by and one brother showed up for the workshop. We decided to move forward with an abbreviated version of the workshop. It was a genuine, healthy, intellectual conversation between two men of color about our experiences and the perspective we’ve gained thus far. That is the foundation of this workshop and it happened tonight. I’m thankful that one brother showed up to remind me that I have support and that there is a process to fill the room.
In full transparency, I felt embarrassed and disappointed for a few minutes as I walked to the subway station with the over-sized notepad-- that I did not use. Thankfully, it did not linger for too long and that’s a success. I was able to remind myself that this feeling, this moment is something that many people have and will continue to experience in the pursuit of their purpose. Tonight was a necessary experience essential to my process—and I’m thankful it happened when it did and how it did. As I continue to move forward in #LiberateTheFlame2019, I’d like to share a few lessons.
Invest in yourself. By doing so, you will always produce the best Return on Investment (ROI). Preserve yourself. The intentional act to implement healthy behaviors and practices is a form of liberation we all deserve to experience. Assess the intent and impact of all your investments. Remember, the profit won’t show immediately—it takes time to grow.
Show up and be present. Showing up is half the battle and the other half is being present. The different thoughts that can arise when pursuing new endeavors can be draining and discouraging to work through. However, don’t let the thoughts about the past or future hinder you from showing up. Believe in your light enough to understand it is always worth overcoming those barriers to show up. Remember the barriers you’ve overcome and the growth you’ve achieved to arrive at this moment. Once you show up, be present. There is much gratitude that can be found and more opportunities to create by taking the time to bring yourself to the present.
Adjust your expectations to adapt. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve received signs/lessons that I needed to adjust my expectations more consistently. The workshop did not go as expected and I had to choose how I wanted to respond—in real time. I could’ve focused on what did not happen based on my expectations or I could adjust my expectations and focus on what was happening in the present moment. Though it was somewhat challenging, I choose the latter. By centering gratitude, I was able to combat negative internal thoughts and be present. The ability to adjust your expectations in real time while centering gratitude is crucial to adaptation. Allow new information to propel you instead of sinking you.
Talk yo shit more. People rarely give you what you need or want if you don’t ask for it. Remind yourself you’re worthy to receive. You are also worthy to grow. We must challenge the societal narrative that demonize rejection and romanticize acceptance. The opportunities avoided out of the fear of rejection is only because it’s been demonized. The harm endured out of the attraction of acceptance is only because it’s been romanticized. We must normalize rejection and acceptance. Acknowledge the respect and find gratitude in the act of responding—and continue to speak up for yourself especially your needs.
Keep going. I’ve accepted this process feels mad trash. Maybe it will feel better later, but this is the grind now. The feeling of embarrassment and disappointment in self is hella real. I was dreading the “how did your workshop go” question at first but that’s changed as you can tell. Ain’t no need to be embarrassed or disappointed when you’re growing. I believe the only way to continue growing is to move through challenging spaces authentically. Lean into those discomforts, learn about yourself and your purpose, and keep going with new enlightenment.
As #LiberateTheFlame2019 continues, invest in yourself to ensure that your flame is sustainable. That type of liberation in practice is contagious. Time is the best capital to invest and it’s essential to choose your investments wisely. Implement healthy behaviors and practices that promotes preservation so that you’re able to show up and be present. When the unexpected happens, center gratitude and adjust your expectations to adapt. Regardless of the potential and actual outcome, continue to speak up for yourself and your needs. Keep going and move authentically on your journey.
Lastly, allow your flame to ignite others—especially the generations behind you in #LiberateTheFlame2019.