Here it is, January 3rd, 2020 at 5:30 pm. I escaped from the bohemian vibes of Lapa to explore Jardim Botânico. A popular garden in Rio de Janeiro full of 8,000 exotic plant species. This is such a settling space to breathe deeply and shamelessly wander through my thoughts. Oh, to be connected to nature. The soul’s playground.
I feel refreshed here.
Though, today is my last day in Brazil.
This moment does not feel like it is meant to be my last memory here.
I’m thankful for that.
It’s 2020 yall. A new decade. A new year. A new day. unFortunately, I did not bring in the New Year in front of my laptop like I originally committed to doing in my first reflection. It was not meant for me to be in front of my laptop this year. It was meant for me to be on a beach with unfamiliar yet similar souls who were all seeking an atmosphere full of joy and warmth.
However, to honor my tradition, I write this reflection to celebrate the year #LTF2019 and acknowledge my intentions for #NTF2020. 2019 was not sexy, but damnit—I feel sexy. The uncertainties don’t feel as intimidating these days. Still present but with a smaller presence.
New York City was the correct move. A year and some change later and I’m still in disbelief that I live there at times. I am where I am meant to be and that feels reassuring. I genuinely see myself remaining in New York City for a few years before I move. My chosen field of work still fits best. I was promoted last September after experiencing some humbling work months. The months to follow were strenuous as well. I’m thankful for Perseverance and Uplift. My role continuously encourages me to try on new experiences and practices along with allowing myself the grace to make mistakes. I’m expanding my comfort zone by leaning into those discomfort zones.
Mmm.
I’ve been loving some me, quietly.
Subtle yet bold.
The practice of self-love does not need to be loudly verbalized to be heard. Actions, remember? In #LiberateTheFlame2019, I renovated the foundation of my inner safe haven to ensure it was grounded in liberation.
Dove deeper and explored.
Unlearned ideologies and practices that no longer aligned with me.
Embraced newer ideologies and practices that aligned with me.
Cultivated warmth towards self.
Occupied spaces that promoted warmth towards others.
Removed barriers.
Upheld boundaries.
Hurt less.
Loved more—especially myself.
This self-work stuff is trash though. With diving deeper and exploring, I’ve experienced self-awareness that has often felt overwhelmingly uncomfortable with no place to hold it. With unlearning and learning of ideologies and practices, I’ve experienced more doubt, frustration, and fatigue. With cultivating warmth towards self, I’ve habitually secluded myself from others. With occupying spaces that promoted warmth, I’ve slowly detached from familiar spaces because in them warmth was conditional. With removing barriers, I’ve become more vulnerable and experienced more hurt. Thankfully, I’m not holding that hurt nor am I intentionally seeking to reciprocate that hurt. Just boundaries—but with upholding boundaries, I’ve had to accept more responsibility and practice better accountability. More labor. With hurting less, I’ve had to acknowledge the hurt, process the hurt and then work towards healing from the hurt but that takes time. More labor. With loving more, I’ve had to lead with understanding to love better. More labor.
Love—especially self-love—is such a brave act. The practice of self-love has felt radical to me. It is radical. I’ve experienced my most liberating moments through self-love. The practice has required me to courageously prioritize my joy, purpose, and peace over others’ validation and acceptance. I’ve released the familiar in an intentional effort to lift up my authentic self. Outwardly, I probably seem different these days.
I am.
The curiosity, confidence, and courage I practiced in #LiberateTheFlames2019 was exhilarating. I honored my commitment to actively heal. I nurtured healthier synergy between my masculine and feminine energies (Side note: I’m a better nurturer). I leaned into opportunities to reconcile with self and others. I explored intimacy, passions, and purpose with less self-imposed restrictions. I allowed myself to experience joy through different connections and communities. I reached higher attunement with self. I moved with ease.
I am at ease.
To continue on my liberatin’ shit, I must take care of my flame. It is me. It is mine. I must provide the flame with the food, and other essential substances necessary for health, growth, and sustainability. This will ask of me to show more care, practice more patience, and practice better discernment. All of these are familiar, but I intend to integrate the practices more.
Before my trip, I met with kindred souls to discuss opportunities to support and collaborate in 2020. We imagined the different ways we could share our spark with others. The conversations were nourishing. I arrived in Rio de Janeiro feeling refreshed and encouraged about 2020. While in Rio, I would unexpectedly encounter new kindred souls that were nourishing to my soul. They affirmed my presence and purpose and showed care towards me. I accepted their affirmation and care and reciprocated affirmation and care. It was such a soothing exchange to experience with strangers. The synchronicity of these experiences served as guidance to determine my motto for 2020.
The motto for this year is #NourishTheFlame2020.
#ShootYourShot2017 was about going after new experiences and opportunities more fearlessly. #AllGreenEverything2018 was about shifting my perspective to see more positivity in all opportunities regardless of the outcomes. #LiberateTheFlame2019 was about healing, being my most authentic self, and finding spaces and communities that aligned with me. As I continue in #NourishTheFlame2020, these are my intentions for this year.
Practice consistent discipline. It’s the master key that unlocks our highest self. I practice consistent discipline in some areas more than others. My intention is to maintain consistent discipline in those areas and reach consistent discipline in the other areas, with enough room for grace. I must continue to put forth the effort to bring my desired outcomes to fruition because I deserve it. We all do. Any commitment to consistency is a major investment. Invest in Yourself.
Lean further into my creativity and passions. This means more exploration, more expression, more patience, and more commitment. My intention is to prioritize my creative and passion projects and nurture the projects through completion. I have more to learn, more to create, and more to share. Joy is found where creativity and passion lie. We’re all innately creative and passionate beings. Be playful and figure out what brings you joy. The type of joy that no one can give and only you can take away.
Allow self to experience new connections and collaboration. I enjoy connecting with people without the motive of collaboration. Connection is important to me—new and old. It provides me with a fresh perspective and higher appreciation for shared humanity. My intention is to continue occupying spaces that align with my energy, connecting with others and allow room for collaboration to occur when it feels good. This is not a competition. We are not surrounded by one another to compete; we’re surrounded by one another to collaborate. It is through collaboration that people can actualize their purpose. It takes a community. Find, create and contribute to your communities.
I understand #NourishTheFlame2020 will ask more of me. I will ask more from this year as well. As more is being asked, it is essential that I honor and nourish my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs. My intentions will allow for me to do that. As this year continues, I encourage you to nourish yourself.
Nourish your creativity.
Nourish your passions.
Nourish your joy
Nourish you communities
Nourish your purpose
Nourish your peace.
… and by doing so, you will nourish your flame.
Take care in #NourishTheFlame2020.