Here it is, September 23rd, 2020 at 10:30 at night. I am sitting in my living room at the dining table—finally. The dining table was a recent addition to my home, and it has been a vital piece to the space. Due to the pandemic, I have found myself staying at home even more and fostering familiarity with all the different corners and walls of my home. I have become more intentional about creating spaces that feel liberating and intimate. If I must be here, then it must be mine and I must be free—my most authentic self. Home is best when it is restorative and that control always lies within. Of all the corners and walls, the living room has become one of my favorite spaces solely because of the windows. So much is always happening outside, and the dining table gives me the best access to the windows.
With so much always happening, the sounds of the anxious city can feel invasive when entering home if they are unwelcomed. I continue to learn it is not for me to decide if the sound is welcomed or not—it has already arrived and will continue to do so. I must only decide how I respond, but with the understanding that we will co-exist—whether harmonic or discordant.
Mmm.
Sounds of an anxious city may vary based on location but there are some sounds that remain the same regardless of where you’re at or where you’re going. Sound travels.
A child’s cry when seeing a parent shot by a law enforcement officer. A child’s cry when witnessing the murder of a parent by a law enforcement officer. A child’s cry when being ripped from a parent being detained by a law enforcement officer. A child’s cry when being told that one of their parents or their only parent in their new home is being deported. A child’s cry when being severely beaten to death or shot and killed because this world—this country—refused to protect them. There are people in this world—this country—that only protect the killers of Black and Brown children. It is unsettling.
As if Black and Brown children’s lives do not matter. As if their cries are illegitimate.
There is a history of violence against Blackness in this country. Against the collective presence of Blackness. It is unsettling as a Black man to see and experience violence against my Blackness. It is even more unsettling to know Black children are experiencing it worse. Brown children are experiencing it as well because of their sociological and historical connection to Blackness—whether taught or not.
It is unsettling to know that there are numerous murders of Black people captured on video. We disregard the effects these videos have on children specifically Black children experiencing childhood and adolescence now. As we normalize and share these videos, we become passive participants to the lynching of Black people. It is irresponsible of us all.
It is unsettling to know there are Brown children responsible for advocating for their parents against a system without morals. Black children experience this as well. It is unsettling to know there are Black and Brown children who must cope without one of their parents because this country’s startling appetite to break up Black and Brown families has no end. It is unsettling to know Black and Brown children continue to be harassed in their own community by law enforcement officers. It is their home and still their youth is under attack. As if their youthfulness is illegitimate. As if they are not children.
COVID-19 has and continues to disproportionately impact Black and Brown communities. It is unsettling to think about how these months have been tough on Black and Brown children. Whether it is from parental unemployment due to the loss of job or lack of access/opportunity, housing insecurity, or family members becoming sick or dying. Since the pandemic started, many of our Black and Brown children have assumed more responsibilities around the home to help their family and will continue to do so. They are expected to balance school responsibilities and home responsibilities in a way that we have never had to do and still find time to be a youth. While lacking the ample support and structure to thrive during remote learning. On top of that, experiencing what it means to be a Black and Brown person in this country. It is unsettling to know that Black children are still being lynched—at times by people that look different from them and by people that look like them.
What’s going on?
The name of the revolutionary album by Marvin Gaye posed the same question that I often ponder. I groove to this album frequently because it is a brilliant piece of work that feels timeless. “Save the Children” stands out the most to me. It is a call to action that infers “by saving our children, saving our babies—all of the children—we can save our world that is destined to die.” Our Black and Brown children are the most provoked and harshly ignored. They are weeping as we have wept, and as some of us continue to weep as adults. Unfortunately, sometimes our cries are too loud to hear their cries. Sometimes our children’s cries are silent and subtle. And so, we must pause and acknowledge their cries. We must take the necessary steps to acknowledge and address our cries so that we can be more intentional with how we soothe the cries of our children. This must be the responsibility of the family in collaboration with the community—this will only work, how it has always worked. We may not control the sounds that enter our community, but we can control our collective effort to create a restorative community for our Black and Brown children. That control always lies within. As #NourishTheFlame2020 continues, I would like to share some thoughts on ways we as individuals and a community can create restorative spaces for Black and Brown children regardless of our roles.
Listen with the intentions to understand. Lean in with more empathy. Allow more space for our children to speak freely without critique. Affirm their feelings. When frustration arises, seek understanding by asking curious questions to reduce the tension of frustration. It is ok to play the role of the student to become a better teacher. Model kindness and warmth when listening through body language and facial expression.
Celebrate growth and normalize mistakes. Growth takes time and mistakes are part of this journey. Show grace towards the children within our community. Every mistake should not result in a punishment. Remind our children that the mistake will not define them but how they respond to the mistake. Allow room for growth to happen and offer guidance. All progress, whether minor or major, is worth acknowledging and celebrating with authenticity—each time. Remind our children that they are making progress and that you do see them. Pour into our children with affirmation and history. Encourage our children to pour into themselves with affirmation and to learn our history.
Create spaces for joy and playfulness. Spaces for children to experience joy and playfulness together is crucial to one's youth. It is crucial to the community and the homes within the community as well. It is in those spaces that creativity is sparked. Whether it is in a one-on-one setting or in a group setting, bring in laughter and silliness that soothes the heart and liberates the mind.
Protect our children. If our children cannot feel safe anywhere, they must be able to feel safe within our communities. That must be our law and our commitment. Let us foster a community that offers healthy tools for our Black and Brown children to process and work through their experience. As adults, we must find and use those same tools to ensure we can process and work through our experiences as well. As we learn, we must share the tools with other adults in our community. It must be a community effort.
The beautiful reality is that there is still time. There is still time to change our response to the cries we hear. There is still time to tune in and soothe the cries of Black and Brown children. There is still time to be more mindful of what we are demanding from our Black and Brown children. Lastly, there’s still time to wrap around our Black and Brown children as a community to nourish them as #NourishTheFlame2020 continues. Let’s start today.
As always, take care and be well in #NourishTheFlame2020